“No matter how much suffering you went through, you never wanted to let go of those memories.” – Haruki Marukami
All of us have a good and bad memories. You are lucky if your entire life is the best ones. But let me ask you a question, which one do we remember the most, the good or the bad?
I was aware from the start that I was adopted and a product of child abuse. I grew up in a very business oriented family. During weekends, instead of playing and enjoying our childhood, we were busy helping our parents selling stuff. At that time, we were the only shop which sells that kind of products. We must finish displaying our products on time before sunrise so, we need to wake-up early and fix everything. I was the kind of child who just listens and does not complain, who I am now is the opposite. Maybe, that was the reason why I was abused by men physically and verbally.
Stepping into college and renting a place on our own with my sister was the best exit for me. Congratulations, for a short span of time, I was free! Totally free! Yes, I was free, but am I really free? Nelson Madela says that, “There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.” I may be free physically, but not emotionally. I have realized that fear controlled me like a tube of glue that sticks to my soul, as it does for many people. No matter what you do, it’s holding you back!
Graduating from college is just a beginning of my journey. Lucky for me, I was immediately hired when I had my apprentice before graduation. It never stopped there, while working I continued going to school for another degree. I don’t know what’s in me why I kept on going back to school after graduating and graduating and graduating. Perhaps, I prefer spending time with others and new acquaintances. While working, I honestly felt like my life is meaningless and no purpose. I quit my job and traveled overseas. From there, life is the happiest. Meeting people and staying in a country with a different culture is a challenge, it was fun, though. My only regret was, I didn’t grab the privilege when I already had the way to stay there legally and for good.
Whether good or bad memories, it will always be remembered. But, bad memories affect our personality, I believe. Sometimes in our life, we have just to admit things the way they are. We can’t get back to those people who did and do wrong to us, because “Living well is the best revenge.”, George Herbert.